Are you looking to transform a relationship, or even to simply understand and appreciate yourself or someone else better? This summary and review of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman explores the “languages” we use to show and accept love. I also link to the free 5 Love Languages quiz so you can find out your own language for Valentine’s Day or any day!

I’m no stranger to personality quizzes. I swear by the MBTI (I’m and INFJ — “The Counselor”) and an Enneagram 6 (“The Loyalist” … but really it can also be summed up as “I worry a lot.”) I have found learning about my personality types to be so influential to me in understanding my strengths and weaknesses, which informs every other area of my life.

As for my love language, before I even took the free 5 Love Languages quiz I knew I would be a quality time gal. I always feel best when I am doing something — anything — with my husband, and when he’s not around, I feel lost and lack motivation.  While some relationships thrive on space and time apart, I would feel unloved if he were consistently doing activities without me. 

Even a few weeks after we first met, I had planned a girls’ weekend in New York City, and I remember thinking, “How will I make it through the weekend without him around?” On the other hand, I am financially independent and regularly set aside money to buy myself things I want, and I tend to feel bad when someone spends money on me, so receiving gifts is not the most important love language to me. 

Check out more details about Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages book and how it can pertain to your life below (It’s not just for marriages!):

Summary & Review of The 5 Love Languages Book

Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages book has sold over 20 million copies, has been a #1 New York Times Bestseller for several years running, and has celebrated its 25th anniversary. Now, that’s a special book!

The 5 Love Languages gives you the keys and the power to transform your relationships.  It should be read by everyone, and it may pertain to any type of relationship. 

What are the 5 love languages?

Gary Chapman is a 40+ year marriage counselor whose premise is this — each person understands “love” primarily in one of five “languages”:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Receiving gifts
  3. Acts of service
  4. Physical touch
  5. Quality time

By recognizing another person’s love language, you can act in ways that they will feel loved, or you can better understand their actions as acts of love.  You can also better understand your own needs.  

Have you ever told someone your love for them and been exasperated by his or her response that they just wish you would hug and kiss them more? That would mean you are speaking the “words of affirmation” love language, but your recipient understands love in the “physical touch” language. 

Or have you ever received a lavish gift from someone but just wished they would have spent the afternoon in your company instead? That would mean you are speaking the “quality time” love language but your gift giver understands love in the “receiving gifts” love language.  Love conflicts: resolved!  

A simple bit of knowledge and mindfulness about a person’s love language can help you communicate better and strengthen any relationship.  For example, I can picture the love languages being employed by parents with their children, who lack the communication skills to convey their emotional needs. 

I highly recommend this quick, but powerful book for anyone looking to improve any type of relationship.

Take The 5 Love Languages Quiz for Free Online

If you’re wondering, “What is my love language?” you can take The 5 Love Languages quiz for free. There are different quizzes for couples, singles, teens and children. It’s for anyone and every relationship! And it takes less than 5 minutes to take the 5 Love Languages test.

Resources for The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages website is filled with ebooks, workbooks, study guides and podcasts you can pair with the quiz and the book to improve your life.

Gary Chapman Books

Author Gary Chapman has also written several other related books that may be of interest, including the new book Help to Heal a Hurting Marriage.


I hope my summary and review of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages has inspired you to at least take the free 5 Love Languages quiz, and/or ask someone in your life to take the test, to improve your relationships for Valentine’s Day.

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